 Do you struggle to feel sure of yourself?
 Do you often question your emotions, beliefs or attitudes?
 Do you often wonder if you are making or made the right decisions?
 Do you find yourself procrastinating putting off task for later and later never comes?
 Do you have the feeling of uncertainty?
 Does that entire mood swinging become debilitating?
 Do you feel anxious sometimes and don’t know why?
Awareness of Self-Questioning
What you are facing is an emotion called self-questioning, which is one of the invisible emotional
barriers (yes, self-questioning is a real emotion) that can be a difficult experience to managed. Selfquestioning is a term used instead of self-doubt. I prefer the self-questioning because it is seems to be
more kind and gentle. Therefore, I will use the term self-questioning in remainder of whatever.
If to yourself you answered ―yes‖ to any of the question above, you are not alone.
Many women wrestle with self-questioning. Studies1 report that 85 percent of the world’s population
is affected by self-questioning. In addition, WealthilHer Network reports that 70 percent of women
are affected by self-questioning. However, just a few recognize it or talk about it. KPMG study2
reports that 75 percent of executive women experience imposter syndrome. Of that group, 47 percent
of the executive women say that their feeling of self-questioning result from never expecting to reach
the level of success they have achieved.
Margie Warrell3 shares this: “Doubt Yourself Less, Believe in Yours More”
Self-questioning is one of the factors addressed in emotional intelligence in self-management
component.
Emotional intelligence (EI) emerged in the 1990’s as an ability-based construct analogous to general
intelligence. EI is a set of emotional and social skills that collectively establishes how well we perceive
and express ourselves.

1
2019 KPMG Women’s Leadership Study: Risk, Resilience, Reward: Mastering the Three “R”s: The Key to Women’s Success in the
Workplace
2
ibid
3 Margie Warrell | March 6, 2020
2
Emotional Intelligence shows how we:
 cope with challenges and stress
 use emotional information in an effective meaningful way
 predicts success in your life and work
How Emotional Intelligence Helps Us?
Daniel Goleman, a world-renowned behavioral scientist, reports that part of the brain that supports
emotional and social intelligence is the last circuitry of the brain to become atomically mature, and
because of neuroplasticity, the brain shapes itself according to repeated experience (that is how our
brain is trained). This means that since this part of the brain matures last, some people may develop
faster than others. However, there are practices and actions we can take to strengthen our emotional
intelligence.
We are not born with EI, but unlike IQ, emotional intelligence can be acquired and improved with
practice.
EI skills are abilities that allow you to understand and manage emotions. These skills are linked but
not limited to a range of the following benefits:
 academic achievement
 decision-making abilities
 overall success in life
 build relationships
 reduce self-questioning
 reduce team stress
 defuse conflict
 improve job satisfaction
 goal setting abilities
More on EI and self-management after we get more clarification on what research indicates about
self-questioning.
Believing in you requires taking a brave leap of self-trust over self-questioning; choosing the path
of faith over fear.
Many women struggle to muster the faith to take that leap—to risk the safety of where they are now
for the possibilities they want most. In fact, a recent by study4 KPMG found that only 43 percent of
women are willing to take the risks in their career, and a lot of women have experienced fear of being
exposed as a ―fraud‖ (impostor syndrome).

4
2019 KPMG Women’s Leadership Study: Risk, Resilience, Reward: Mastering the Three “R”s: The Key to Women’s Success in the
Workplace
3
Take Jennifer Lopez for example:
Following Jennifer Lopez’s show-stopping performance at the Super Bowl, Thrive Global
posted an interview with her where she talked about how she’d been plagued by selfquestioning many times throughout her career. However, rather than give in to it, she
channeled it to work harder. ―I just kept going … and it started paying off,‖ she said. ―But more
than that, I started believing in myself, I started believing in the fact that I wasn’t an impostor,

that I wasn’t a fake.‖

No one is immune to self-questioning and everyone has moments where they second-guess
whether they have what it takes to overcome their challenges and achieve their goals. Is it time
for you to STOP and take a step back to assess the emotions you are feeling and why you are
feeling them? Is it time to put your self-care first?
There is little substitute for building our confidence to defy our doubts and act with the
confidence we wished we had. By taking action amidst our doubts we can dilute the power they
have over us and amplify our sense of self-efficacy, self –worth, self-trust and self-belief.
Food for Thought: “The better you can understand yourself, the better you can be”

• Mark Cuban
  Breaking Invisible Barriers That Keep You From Growing & Achieving Your
  Goals and Dreams
  5To overcome self-questioning, you need to learn to challenge the assumptions that you set out
  to do. What proof do you have that you are incompetent? Be gentle with yourself. Remind
  yourself that you are human, that you are allowed to make mistakes, and that the best you can
  do is learn from them.
  Celebrate your achievements, no matter how big or small; and don’t compare yourself or your
  accomplishments to other people.
  Emotional Intelligence and Self-Management
  As indicated earlier, self-questioning is one of the factors addressed in emotional intelligence selfmanagement component.
  Self-Management – is knowing where you are going so you will know how to get there. In addition,
  self-management is the strategy for effective living and is guided by wisdom, which is the most
  important thing you can do. Wisdom affects every aspect of your life. With wisdom, you develop:
   common sense and being just and fair
   good judgment in making decisions
   respect yourself and others

5
Ilona Jerabek, PH.D, PsychTests AIM Inc., The Dark Depths of Self-Doubt: The Damaging Effects of Trust
4
 appreciate life and opportunities
 moral application of trust
Self-Management Skills examples:
 problem solving
 decision making
 resisting stress
 reduce self-questioning
 communicating clearly
 managing time
 strengthening memory
 self-care
 practice patience
 focus attention on one task at a time
 set goals
 make daily plans/strategic and follow through
 thing before you speak
 self-motivate
 practice accountability
 avoid living a busy life
 reflect on your strengths
Self-management allows us to respond-rather than react to situations based on information rather
than impulse. The better the information you have, the better we will able to hold ourselves
accountable for our decisions and actions.
Everyday has 24 hours to grow, serve and be productive. It is easy to waste time and let life pass by.
Seize each day as a gift of time and opportunities to live for your purpose.
Real success in self-management does not compromise integrity:
 be open to advice
 ask for help when you need it
 admit your mistakes
 listen to God’s instructions
Self-Management requires planning and self-discipline to meet your goals. Therefore
include the basis of goal setting:
 what is goal setting
 components of setting goals
 importance of setting goals
 benefits of setting goals
5
To help you achieve your goals, I help women 40+ break emotional barriers that keep them
from being the best version of themselves. That ―best version‖ that may require moving
forward with re-tooling, re-freshing or re-inventing to be the best version. I help you navigate
the transformation to be the best version you want to be.
This is the best time in your life to make a difference in what you want your future to be as your
best version of ―you‖.
If you are unsure of where to start working on your new version, start with moving your life
forward by removing the emotional barriers that are holding you back from reach your goals.
I help guide doctoral students and small business owners through the transformation process
of being your best version. Contact me at: Dr_CLL@CarolenaLyonsLawrence.com .

Be The Best You Can Be- Keep Moving and Improvin